The G Spot… (Oh, I’ve heard worse)

Hello luvs,

I’m back! Screech, cry, yell, shout… all exclamations of your OVERJOYED-NESS that I have returned. OBVIOUSLY. Why, thank you. You are too kind :)

So… Straight to the point. (In my typical zigzag-like fashion) This week’s adventure has revolved around the subway system. Oh, NY… You get sooo many things right: food (in general), parks, activities, entertainment, music, EVEN manners, and yet sooo many things wrong: weather, which I am SO not over yet, Mexican food, numbered streets, numbered avenues, housing, OH, ANNNDDDD… the subway system.

????? 

NOW, to preface, I am a huge fan of walking and public transportation, so by default, this city is right up my alley. SO, transportation of my own person hasn’t been THAT big of an adjustment for me. HOWEVER, the transportation of goods has proven to be a WHOLE other obstacle in itself. Yes. I have hauled chairs through the subway and been THAT girl, with bags out to wazoo, whacking away at people and getting stuck in train doorways. I believe Frenchie, in the beret might I add, (yeah, I’m gonna judge your sense of style since you judged me. I don’t care if you’re French and can “pull it off”), ACTUALLY took a photo of me. That’s right. I heard your camera phone click, my friend. No worries, someday you will be stuck in train doors, hauling everything you own in YOUR hands, and I will be there… YOUTUBING it. That’s how life works, my dears. Don’t put bad juju out there… what goes around comes around. And on THAT note… onto my train story.

Word to the wise: They WILL close on you and are NOT, I repeat NOT, motion sensitive

Evidently EVERYTHING that goes around does come around...   EXCEPT the trains. Oh, they run 24/7 you say? AND you read a statistic that NYC has one of the best public transit systems in the US?? UMMMMMMMMMMMM….. MOST of the US doesn’t HAVE a public transit system. So by DEFAULT, YES. Yes it does. Just FYI, for those of you who agree with this ridiculousness that I overheard on the train and believe that people in Nebraska/Wyoming/Texas /insert pretty much ANY US state here, are jetting around on their “inadequate”  subway systems (poor, poor souls), they’re NOT. They are perusing their streets in their AC and heat infused luxury vehicles, driving along to the vocal renditions of Phil Collins. (Ok. Give or take Phil Collins... that could be just me.) WHO ARE YOU, and where are you getting your info?? Wikipedia?? (I strongly reference Wikipedia for every day info, no judgment there, but THIS is a bit much.)

OVERALL, the trains do a decent job of getting people and their shiz to and fro. “Decent” being the operative word here, used in its loosest form. BECAUSE… The trains can vary from running every 5 minutes, on the dot, to running what seems like every 5 days, depending on “train traffic.” WHAT?? FIRST of all, aren’t the trains on a schedule? And don’t they HAVE to run at certain times? (Seems like a legit question. But NOPE. NOPE. The trains run this town… kinda like Rihanna.) SECOND, and more IMPORTANTLY, WTF is “train traffic?” I’m sorry, are they encountering a lot of 4-way busy intersections? Did a train accidentally drive down the track the wrong way and cause a pileup? Is it the end of the month and the popo are out and about stopping trains left and right for speeding? NO. So WHAT is going on? Oh, you know… Just your usual weekend/weeknight/blue moon schedule mixed with a dash of construction and a hint of express/local train switches. (Face palm. I can’t see it, but I’m assuming you’re doing the same... IF you TRULY understand the magnitude of the issue.) Ugh. And they WONDER why people are late to everywhere. (Yes, I’m speaking from experience… I was late to my first day of work on Monday, but fret not… my boss is kinda cool. So, I smiled and said I’m coming from Texas... literally. That’s why I was late. It went over surprisingly well. She understands my sarcasm.) With that being said, hopefully you car enthusiasts understand the extent of the issue I’m dealing with. Just to clarify… Again, OVERALL, the system functions adequately, except for when you actually need to get somewhere… at a certain time. THAT, my friends, is why it is important to live NEAR a train stop. (What was that? But not TOO near, you say? Oh, I’ve taught you well!) Trekking to a train in the cold is hard enough if it’s downstairs, let alone ten blocks away. Leading me to the next topic of today’s lesson… The G Train. (I don’t think “Train” needs to be capitalized in this context, but I shall do so out of respect for the G. Remember, juju.)

 

G Train, blog. Blog, G Train

YES. My local neighborhood train is in fact the G Train. For those of you familiar with NYC, you most definitely have an opinion about this. Those of you who aren’t, well, I shall enlighten you.

The G Train

During my apt hunt I managed to use the shiz out of the G Train and NEVER had an issue. Now that I have moved in next door, it has decided to become a bit testy. (But G TRAIN, if you’re listening, I love you and will continue to fight for your honor. I got yo back.) Continuing... Upon meeting different people in different neighborhoods etc…, I have discovered that people have a love/hate relationship with the Train. Some love it, and some hate it. I have heard it referred to as the G Train, the G Spot (yes, I know… pretty sure we’re making the same face), the Good Train, the Ghost Train, and last but not least, the Rape Train. (You can thank Mindy Kaling for that one.) As you can see, the G Train ignites a wide array of emotions in people and NO ONE hesitates to explain to you how they feel about it. I’ve had people berate the G Train as though it was an ugly step cousin, twice removed, and I’ve had people vehemently deny that they have EVER had any trouble with it. G Train gets around, let me tell you.

So. How do I feel about the G Train? Well, seeing as it is literally the CLOSEST/ONLY train in my vicinity, I pray for it every night and will contribute to a save the G Train fund, if someone would like to initiate it. BUT like everyone else, I do have my questions… Like, G Train… Why you no long enough? The G Train is literally TOO short for the stations… WHY? You have to board at the center of the platform, and in order to do so you must run to catch the train. I guess that could be alluring… You know, like in the movies when the girl runs yet misses her train only to meet a handsome stranger…? I’ll keep you posted as to when this happens to me. I’m POSTIVE it’s gonna be soon. ALSO, why is the G Train the ONLY train that runs from Queens to Brooklyn, and only PARTIALLY at that?? I have friends up there, dontcha know? Yet I have to go into the city and OUT OF MY WAY to travel the 8 miles or so between here and there, and it ends up taking FOREVER. Not to mention the blue moon/weekend schedule that makes it take even longer. Ugh. AND, G TRAIN, why do you insist on changing routes as you please? Oh, we’re only going to get to the Hoyt-Schemm….whatever the hell the name is… erhorn stop today? Then we have to transfer to an F train that has to go back the direction we came before it re-routes and takes us to our intended destination? WHY? WHY I ask you? (Remember, G Train, I’m here for you through all of this… just asking a few innocent questions.) G Train, I love you, and I realize this relationship is going to take a lot of work, but it feels kinda one sided right now. Hey, I’m nothing if not honest. The other night when I was humming “took the midnight train… going aanyyywheerreeeee,” I didn’t really mean it. It just came up on my playlist… It wasn’t a challenge! Point taken though. It was insensitive and I will no longer “Journey” it up at night. Especially when I have no idea where I’m at. (God forbid I end up in Bushwick.) I apologize, and it will never happen again. We good?

 See where the track disappears? That's where the Train stops. If it's already there when you enter the subway, fuggeddaboutit. You're boarding the NEXT Train. But, who knows? Mr. Laptop Bag might just be the ONE.

As you can see, the G Train and I have some issues to work through, but I am positive we can do it. I dedicate this to you, G Train:

  

In all honesty, it’s not THAT bad. YES, it has gotten various nicknames due to people’s experiences, but I believe every situation is what you make of it. So, for me… I shall dub it the GREAT TRAIN, because that is what I expect from it. Nothing less. You hear me, G Train? We GOT this. (And, frankly your other options slightly terrify me.) You can’t say you go around riding the “Rape Train” … God forbid. This isn’t a Mindy Kaling bio where the kind people at your place of employment provide you with a car service, upon hearing your references to riding the Rape Train to and fro. (AHEM, to a certain someone… Your constant reminders for me to “let you know” if what I hear about the G Train is true? INAPPROPRIATE. You twisted, twisted person.) So… Ghost Train, Good Train, GREAT TRAIN… Enchanté, and I look forward to our adventures together… Preferably planned by me, not you. But once in a while, I won’t mind.

Thus is the public transportation system of NYC, folks… MTA workers, you have been nothing but uselessly helpful in circumstances when my Google Maps fails me, and I appreciate you lads wandering around the platforms assisting me and answering all my silly questions… Like, where does this train go? Hmm. Ok. So…where does that train go? You know, the basics. Glad to know yous guys are there for me. And, likewise, I am here for you! G Train… here’s looking at you kid!

 G Train in motion, doin its thang.

Till next time my dears,

<3

A southern, west-coaster, in the northeast

 Hmm… Personally, I feel like if I was “struck” by a train, I would most definitely be “killed” by it. But who knows… To anyone who has experienced a train “striking,” I’d love to hear your story.

P.S- WHY the need for musical interludes at every terminal? YES. Union Square, I’m looking at you. NO. Just no. I do not want to be serenaded every time I pass through. Please don’t. I appreciate you, but late at night I kind of just want to take your tambourine and hide it. Sorry.

AND

Is the L train RIDICULOUSLY fast, or is it just me? I feel like it’s a ROCKET compared to other trains. (G Train, I’m not comparing you… OBVIOUSLY.)

IN ADDITION

I really miss driving :( 

LASTLY

I made a kick a$$ playlist for Train rides! Some old, some new, some Latin and some JLO. Because that is my jam right now. If that’s not your thing… tough luck. Go ride the C train and don’t click the link.
Latin G(uapo) Train Mix

BTW, to anyone who can tell me what the first song samples from… You get a prize :) NO GOOGLING. 

Enjoy!

Videos of the week:

Additional mixes that will make your daily commute THAT much better. WARNING: Potential move busting.

 DJ Pogo- WHAT WHAT?! Possibly the best thing ever. DJ Disney?! Yes, please! Seriously, this shiz should be played at lounges.

 Pop Danthology 2012

Daniel Kim, you're kind of amazing.